Julia's Java Joint

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Low Sex Drive?

There are many reasons why both men and women can have a low sex drive. Here are some of the reasons that I have heard why women, especially have low sex drives.
  1. My partner doesn't give me what I need
  2. I hate my body
  3. Kids
  4. Boring
  5. I am tired

Now, here are things to try to eliminate these challenges (no, I don't mean to get rid of the kids). If your partner doesn't give you what you need, tell him what you like. If your partner is in tune with you, an extra moan when he/she hits that spot will say "do it again". Or after sex tell your partner, " I really liked it when you did this or that". This way you are not taking the fun out of sex by feeling like an instructor during the act.

I hate my body or I am tired. If your partner really loves you they do not focus on all your imperfections. When you are comfortable and accepting of yourself that reflects on how others see you. Exercise can help tighten up those flabby areas and will also give you more energy. We give our employer 8 hours a day or our families even more, try taking just 30 minutes a couple days a week for yourself and go for a walk or do some situps. If you are consistent with this over time you will look better, feel better and gain more energy. Believe it or not when you exercise consistently your energy level will increase.

What about the kids. Well kids are part of our lives every day. Try getting someone to watch your kids for 2 hours even once a month, drop them off and go back home together. Take a bath or have a dinner at home. Making time for each other needs to be a priority. You will get a babysitter to go to work, why not get one for a short time to spend time with your partner. A healthy relationship makes for a happier people and being happy is the best thing you can do for your kids.

It's Boring. We all get into sexual ruts. When you are with someone for a long time this can happen. Spend a couple hours in bed together and just talk. Go to a nice hotel for the night. Take a bath together. Have a candlelight dinner. Have sex in the kitchen. Make sexual innuendos throughout the day, by the time you climb into bed your partner is ready, willing and able. All these things set a different tone that can spill over into moments of intimacy.

There is no quick fix. If your relationship is important, it takes a little effort. Our busy lives have consumed us and many times it can be the little things we do or say to our partner that lets them know they are more important than everyone else.

There are many things we can do for our partner and I would love to hear your comments. Your experiences may just help someone else.