Julia's Java Joint

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Low Sex Drive?

There are many reasons why both men and women can have a low sex drive. Here are some of the reasons that I have heard why women, especially have low sex drives.
  1. My partner doesn't give me what I need
  2. I hate my body
  3. Kids
  4. Boring
  5. I am tired

Now, here are things to try to eliminate these challenges (no, I don't mean to get rid of the kids). If your partner doesn't give you what you need, tell him what you like. If your partner is in tune with you, an extra moan when he/she hits that spot will say "do it again". Or after sex tell your partner, " I really liked it when you did this or that". This way you are not taking the fun out of sex by feeling like an instructor during the act.

I hate my body or I am tired. If your partner really loves you they do not focus on all your imperfections. When you are comfortable and accepting of yourself that reflects on how others see you. Exercise can help tighten up those flabby areas and will also give you more energy. We give our employer 8 hours a day or our families even more, try taking just 30 minutes a couple days a week for yourself and go for a walk or do some situps. If you are consistent with this over time you will look better, feel better and gain more energy. Believe it or not when you exercise consistently your energy level will increase.

What about the kids. Well kids are part of our lives every day. Try getting someone to watch your kids for 2 hours even once a month, drop them off and go back home together. Take a bath or have a dinner at home. Making time for each other needs to be a priority. You will get a babysitter to go to work, why not get one for a short time to spend time with your partner. A healthy relationship makes for a happier people and being happy is the best thing you can do for your kids.

It's Boring. We all get into sexual ruts. When you are with someone for a long time this can happen. Spend a couple hours in bed together and just talk. Go to a nice hotel for the night. Take a bath together. Have a candlelight dinner. Have sex in the kitchen. Make sexual innuendos throughout the day, by the time you climb into bed your partner is ready, willing and able. All these things set a different tone that can spill over into moments of intimacy.

There is no quick fix. If your relationship is important, it takes a little effort. Our busy lives have consumed us and many times it can be the little things we do or say to our partner that lets them know they are more important than everyone else.


There are many things we can do for our partner and I would love to hear your comments. Your experiences may just help someone else.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Poem of the Week

Here is the poem of the week. Enjoy!

How I want to be with you,
I feel in my heart
it aches whenever you're away,
it's tearing me apart
and when your near I feel so
warm from comfort deep inside
and how I want to hold you
with my arms wrapped oh
so tight.

Monday, January 03, 2005

The History of the Vibrator

Vibrators were first manufactured in the U.S. in 1904 by the Hamilton Beach Blender Company. What will you think of the next time you see a blender? Initially, vibrators were used by doctors to cure women who were suffering from hysteria. The doctor would masturbate her on the exam table until she reached orgasm which releases endorphins which would calm the woman. Once vibrators were used in sexually oriented movies doctors discontinued their use in their offices.

Until the 1920's vibrators were advertised in national women's magazines as massagers for the face. These massagers came in all sizes. Did we really need a 12" face massager? However, our society at that time was not as open to talk about sex as we are today.

The vibrator reinvented itself as a "sex toy" during the 1950's and 1960's. We can now find vibrators in all colors, shapes and sizes. Sex toys, creams and lingerie continue to be a growing market. Satisfying the law of supply and demand.

So when your women says she needs to get laid. What she really means is that she needs an orgasm. The endorphins that she releases give her a high that cannot be substituted in any other way. Whether or not you as a couple are into sex toys or response creams the orgasm is a powerful influence in your woman's happiness.

Friday, December 31, 2004

Should Someone become a Mother at Age 67?

The headlines have been flooded with the news that a 67-year old woman in Romania is pregnant with twins after receiving fertility treatments to ward off menopause for the past 9 years. When will we put an age limit on how old a woman should be to give birth? I am all for freedom of choice, but what about the choice of those twins who may end up taking care of their mother and father before they are even old enough to date. These kids very well may end up watching their parents deteriorate during their most precious moments of growing up.

I am a mom and can relate to the desire of wanting "your own" children, however, I feel sometimes science is pushing the envelope for recognition. I also feel that having children in your 60's and I am sure soon it will be the 70's it is a selfish act without regard to how those children will feel. These kids will love them because they are their parents. But, at some point in time we need to say that for the emotional welfare of the kids, "You are too old to become a new mom."

You can check out this story on BBC News.


Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Private Party Strippers, What Goes on in There?

Strippers, strippers, strippers. They can be male, female, straight, gay, bisexual, thin, fat, big-breasted or well-endowed. What goes on in a strip club is many times public knowledge for all who are in the club and agencies that can be monitoring the club's activities. But what goes on when a stripper comes to your home, hotel room or anywhere else that you might request their services?

As you may well know by now, I do sex toy parties on a part-time basis. I bring 3 years experience and education, hundreds of parties and many hours of hearing and seeing women's and men's issues regarding sex. I have never seen a female stripper at a private party for men, however, I was somewhat shocked by what I saw when a male stripper performed for women.

I was asked to do a sex toy party as part of a bachelorette party which was being held in a hotel room. The hostess did inform me that strippers would be there after the party so I would need to finish up by a certain time. Well the bride-to-be was late leaving me little time to do the party, so I was invited to stay while the strippers performed and the ladies would give me their orders after. I stayed and what I saw somewhat shocked and surprised me.

The stripper performed for about 15 minutes. Then he announced to the ladies that he would give private parties in the bedroom (which was a separate room within the hotel room) for 10 minutes at $10. I wasn't sure what he would do, because he was already giving lap dances to the ladies during his show. He grabbed his bag and went in the bedroom, one at a time, many of the ladies would go in and then come out. When they came out their hair was a mess, their bras were missing and their pants were unzipped, unbuttoned or their belts were not in all the loops.

I am not a prude by any means, but have never seen anything like this before. Many of these ladies were married. None of the ladies would reiterate what exactly went on in that room, but it was clear the stripper was up their shirt and in their pants.

I would love to hear everyone's comments about your stripper experiences. Does this go on with female strippers? And ladies if you have been in that "private room" with a male stripper we all would love to know, "What goes on in There?"

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Changing Your Life in 365 Days

The holidays are a time we visit with family and friends. Many of which we don't see on a regular basis, but do so because it is expected. I always get depressed after the holidays. I guess alot of people do, that is why everyone tends to drink more. We run around for weeks like chickens with our heads cut off and in a matter of hours it's over. Reality sets in that the party is over and now we have to get back to the reality of trying to pay off the bills we incurred before we create new ones next year.

After the initial after Christmas depression subsides we look forward to the new year with optimism. This will be the year I lose the weight, or stop smoking, or get a better job and so on and so on. Many of which will be forgotten by the time the New Year's Hangover goes away.

I have decided for the first time in my life I will set those goals, write them down where I see them everyday and devote the entire year to accomplishing each one, one by one. I am challenging myself to see what would happen if I succeeded in accomplishing each one and how my life might change within a one year period of time. Imagine how different your life could be 365 days from now if you actually accomplished the things you have been talking about all your life.

Make your lists and work on those things everday, I would love to hear from everyone this same time next year on the changes in your personal, professional and financial lives.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Poem of the Week

I thought it would be a nice addition to give everyone a poem of love, friendship and/or relationship every week. These are all original poems that my fiancee has written to me over the years. This is a great way to share how you feel about that special loved one in your life.

A Feast for the Senses
The sight of your face on a bright sunny day,
The soft, supple feel of your flesh
The sound of your voice ringing deep in my ears
The sweet, precious smell of your breath
The taste of your kisses stay wet on my lips
all five of my senses are deeply fulfilled,
with you I long to be
I keep you always near my heart
even when you are not with me.

Successful Vaginal Stimulation

After years of talking to women about sex, I have learned a few things that women do and do not want from their man. The first and foremost issue is that vaginal stimulation should not feel invasive. It is very difficult for a woman to get aroused when she feels like someone's entire hand (or anything else) is going to come up and out through their mouth. Call me blunt, however, I have learned that when it comes to sex, people want to be told the truth and you can disregard the sugar coating. So now let's get to the meat of the matter, so to speak.

All of the nerve endings that are in a woman's vagina are in the first 1/3 of her vagina. Any activity that occurs beyond that point does not increase stimulation. It only tends to take away from the other areas you are trying to please, since the woman is now concentrating on how far you are going to go. Let's recap. We want to concentrate on the clitorus and the first 1/3 of the vagina. It is as simple as that. Since most women do not have orgasms during intercourse, this fact probably contributes to this. If we did have nerve endings from beginning to end our orgasms would probably send us far into another galaxy never to return again.

I write this blog to all the individuals that feel that farther in the vagina is better. Next time you are stimulating your partner try to take your fingers, toy or whatever you typically use and simply tease the area just inside the vagina and you will soon see an increased intensity in your lady's level of vaginal sexual arousal.